Growing Up

I am now at the tail end of my life depending on one's point of view. Both my grandfathers passed away in their 60s, relatively early. Same with my grandmothers. One died in her 30s and one also died in her 60s. But Alhamdulillah, my parents they are still sprightly and still around, one is already 82 and the other Insya Allah will approach 80 herself in another 2 years. Every one of my prayers is always accompanied with prayers for their health and longevity. On the other hand, my great grandfather passed away at 93, also sprightly and still cycling around Kulim, Same goes for my great grandmothers, grand uncles and aunties, all lived to a ripe old age. So, what do I want to be? I just want to live a fulfilled life.

Glee photo from Hollywood Reporter

I digress. I wanted to talk about growing up. I believe, that Glee quite perfectly depicts the angst and anxiety of growing up. The songs, some great ones are a bonus. Even in school, college, university even at work, there will always be groups of people that seems to belong and another that wants to belong. Some can assimilate with ease while others are a little awkward and clumsy.

What was I? Was I the ones with the "cool kids", mister popular or was I the awkward ones? Can't really tell. I make friends easily yet at the same time I don't really belong to any particular group. I tend to absorb the awkward kids and become the medium that assimilates them with the "cool kids". It always happens. The friends I made are lifelong friends that I would rush to their aid at a drop of a hat. And the same for them with me.

I guess, I was lucky. No scratch that. I am lucky. I have great bunch of friends that has always been there for me and me for them. The family apart from my actual family. Many tend to forget that in school, college, university and at work, we spend more time with our friends and colleagues then with our own family. Therefore, we must ensure maximum comfort, maximum assimilation. We need to be committed to them as they are to us. There is no half ways.

A few days ago, I happened to find myself in KL. I just arrived from KB via Ipoh and suddenly I miss my friends. It was at the very last minute. I know many won't be able to make it, but I risk it anyway, and proposed a meet up. And what do you know? 6 of us turned up and we had a marvellous time. Talking about everything and nothing, some people we have not met for years because of our other commitments.

I made a little speech when asked why the sudden meet? I don't know. I just felt like I needed to meet my other "family". I don't want to yearn to meet up when we are old and infirmed, meeting up in hospitals or at funerals. We should be there for each other, forever and always. In KB, I have made a point to meet my friends and my friends that came all the way from KL, made a point to meet me. We will drop everything just to meet up. Sometimes it's been weeks, months and even years. Some, we've not met ever since we left college or university.

Sometimes I get phone calls out of the blue where we talk about nothing for hours. We are a social animal, and we yearn companionship, especially familiar companions. People that know about our past, our present and possibly our future.

In fact, my group of close friends have even been involved in determining my career path (without me knowing) and even been part of choosing my life partner. They have been there for me more than once and I will do the same for them. It gets more difficult now to meet up as often as we like but we try to make a point anyway.

What has that to do with growing up? Everything. I have advised my children often enough to make friends and to remain in touch. Now it is even easier than ever with all the various tools and apps available. They can even collaborate on activities, something that was impossible to do during my time. As mentioned in a previous post, the group of close friends left for UK at different times. Some was in London, Hull, Norwich, Kent. I was in Leeds, yet in 1991 when everyone has arrived, we made a point to meet in London. That was the days before emails, cell phones and all the apps. All we had was the snail mail and the rotary dial phones that were later replaced with buttoned phones or key phones. Yet on that auspicious day we proudly had a group hug to signify that we have all arrived.

Of course, later we visited our other friends in Newcastle, Coventry, Liverpool, Manchester, Sheffield, Huddersfield and the list just goes on. That's what growing up is all about. We are still growing up. I don't think I've ever stopped growing. And coming to my mid 50s, I don't think I've really grown up. Even with wife and kids I still need a lot of constant reminders and my dear friends continue to fulfill that role along with my parents of course.

Along the way, at work I've collected great group of friends, even in my present workplace. Some are still around, while others have left. In the meantime, there's a lot of growing up to do.

To answer my question, was I one of the "cool kids"? Nahhh, I was a nerd, a geek, I dressed weirdly as in I wasn't hip.