Performing

We all marvel at actors and actresses portraying different people, embodying different characters for different performances. But when we think about it, aren't we all mere performers, performing for our respective audiences. Who are we and which one is our real self? We are always performing. Performing for the community, for our family, for our friends, for our colleagues and superiors alike.

So, who are we really?

Are we that jovial self? The one with those million things weighing down our shoulder. Are we that sad sack, scraping as we walk when we are easily amused by cute animal antics? Are we that ultra confident presenter and speaker secretly unsure if anyone will even listen? Are we that singer, belting one number after another enthusiastically, trying to casually watch if anyone is actually appreciating your performance?

Why this topic?

I had the pleasure of getting acquainted with a policeman just a few days ago. He is very down to earth, and I'd love to meet and have another chat with him. He has even invited me over to his office. Who is he? He's the Deputy Chief of Narcotics visiting the state. He came for the event on a personal invitation of the Menteri Besar. He holds the rank of Deputy Commissioner of Police. What's that? In other words, he is a police 2 star general.

He recounted recent stories we read or heard in the nnews. In one, it was the policeman that shot his wife 3 times. He was attached to the anti narcotics division. He was at home where he sat down having drinks with his father-in-law. A few minutes later he went to his bedroom. A minute later he took out his gun and shot his wife 3 times.

He then shared another story of a recent kidnapping in Kelantan. Nobody knew why or what happened except that all was not what it seems. Apparently the wife was an "innocent victim" of a drug deal gone wrong. Unknown to anyone, the husband was a drug trafficker arranging their transportation. The consignment went missing and as payment they took his wife. To resolve it, it took a great deal of negotiations involving various ASEAN nations to bring the wife home.

A seemingly pious state it has one of the worse drug problems in the country because of the porous state borders. Already they have confiscated RM37 million worth of drugs for this year alone just in this state alone. According to the 2 star, the price of the drugs if sold elsewhere such as Australia, fetehes 6,000 times the value. That's why many are willing to take such risks for that amount of money. Our abject poverty eradication programme can also be in jeopardy because of this drug scourge. There are those that are facing poverty are addicts or users.

Back to the earlier question.

Who are we? Are we who we really say we are or do we change according to the situation and people? According to DISC (Dominance Influence Steadiness Conscientiousness) Test we have 2 types of behaviour, a dominant behaviour and a secondary behaviour. Therefore, we are in fact performing for people. For that mental issues is a real issue and depression can rarely be detected.

Everything looks normal yet there's something underlying that we won't know. A final example was my own experience in my organisation where we had a very pretty girl that looked absolutely normal. One day she got married and she gave birth and what happened next? She killed her own baby. Such a bright person now languishing incarceration.

Who are we when we are performing? Who is the real us? We will never know. My favourite actor of all times is Robin Williams. His wit is amazing where he can just turn it on as if on tap, but there it is he was merely performing and one day things snap and he is gone.

Robin Williams photo from the Rolling Stone.

One look at these people, they look normal, yet underneath, there are darkness engulfing them and many of them drown in this darkness unable to find a way out. I pray and hope none of us ever get engulfed in such, if you do please drop me a line. I am not an expert, but sometimes all we need is someone to listen for us to let it all out. There's very few opportunities for many of us.

Whatever we are and whomever we are performing for let us be as real as possible so people can really see who we really are.