Proud Dad Part 2

My son was placed in something similar - obtained from https://neonatalcapstone.wordpress.com/2011/02/10/equipment-in-the-nicu/

I told in my previous post that both my children were premature babies. The elder brother stayed in hospital longer while for the younger sister we were more prepared, thus her lungs were fully developed when she was born and didn't require a longer stay in hospital. What I didn't tell was that there was an earlier foetus.

During a scan it was discovered that the foetus was not fully formed and thus had potential disabilities. We had a choice whether to bring a disabled baby into the world. It was the toughest few weeks we ever had. Allah is great. We lost the foetus as my wife miscarried.

We were discussing about it and in Allah's greatness I guess the baby heard. Rather than giving trouble to his/her future parents the baby decided for us. And before we knew it, the baby was gone.

Miscarriage is the worse any expectant mothers go through. They go through the same process as giving birth except that there's no baby to bring home. That was a very tough time for us. The only thing any husbands can do is just to be there for the wives, hold them tight and support them in any way possible. Sometimes, that's all that we can do and nothing more.

When I read of those that advocates abortion or those that abandon babies, it boggles my mind. I get it, that there are times when they are under tremendous pressure. Social, financial, familial. And there are those that were caught in circumstances beyond their control such as being sexually assaulted resulting in pregnancies. But I cannot believe for a moment that they are physically or mentally indifferent about the situation. One moment they are carrying and another moment they are not? And they are not mentally affected?

Mentally, it took time to heal for my wife and I. Sometimes I feel like we have never really recovered.

Back to my children. My son was born right after we watched Star Wars : Revenge of the Sith. Right after we had dinner, she felt contractions. Called her OBGYN and he said to meet him at the hospital. Oh, but before that, my mother-in-law told me that she had a history of premature labour and with that piece of news we had to skedaddle and once shared the same with the doctor he said we need to be ready for a possible delivery that night.

And he was right.

My daughter was a little different. I was due to travel to Europe or Canada, can't really remember. I spoke to the tummy telling the baby not to be born while I am not around. And apparently, she heard. That night my wife had contractions and the baby didn't want me to be away when she arrives. And she came right before I went a few weeks later.

Because my son was born prematurely with his lungs less developed, when my daughter was conceived, we started preparing for another potential premature delivery by providing various vitamins and supplements that helps to develop her lungs. And while she too was born prematurely, even earlier than her brother, her lungs were fully developed. Thus, our stay

I was present at all these momentous events. I was there when the foetus was expelled. I was there for the birth of my son. And I was there again for the birth of my daughter. Each time my wife screamed in pain to give us our children, part of me died. I felt helpless and there was very little that I can do. Nothing I did ever felt right. Nothing I did could alleviate the pain that she was going through. Seeing 2 births was enough for me. I will never allow my wife to ever to go through such pain ever again. So, I made the conscious decision that 2 is enough.

Some would argue with me that children are gifts, are rizq from Allah. But I am not strong enough to let my wife to go through that ever again. Was that the right decision? I will never know. Now, my son is turning 18, while my daughter will be 15 this year. Beautiful children, giving very little trouble. Born prematurely of course there are effects and there are challenges. But the challenges are nothing compared to what some of my other friends faces.

I am sharing an article from Mayo Clinic on premature births or preterm births. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-birth/symptoms-causes/syc-20376730

My son stayed in hospital for a long time and his food was the breast milk expressed as he was too tiny to be breastfed. However, after about a few weeks the nurse came rushing in. She said that the milk supply they kept for the day was finished in just one feeding time. So, more were needed. And my wife duly expressed more, and he finished that too. (This was a precursor to the fact that my son is a great eater. Strapping young man and all that.)

Finally, they said that he seems to be feeding well. Why don't my wife go to the ward and feed him directly. We walked to NICU and waited. He was brought in, still scrawny but still hungry. This was the first time my wife will hold him after almost a month giving birth. This was a momentous occasion. This will be the first time he will take his milk directly. And he was very eager. He could sense my wife was around. That his mother was around, and he was squirming.

Gently, we opened the incubator and took him out. The nurse placed him in my wife's arms, and he didn't have trouble latching. He knew what to do. And this moment led him to be discharged just a few days later.

We racked up a huge hospital bill as the medical insurance from my employer only covered normal birth. I was wracking my brains how to pay this bill.

I was extremely lucky. I had a great Boss and a benevolent employer. My Boss called to enquire, and I updated him. He seems to sense I was troubled, and he asked how I was, a strange question considering that I am just a by-stander while my wife did all the heavy lifting. I took a deep breath and shared with him my troubles. He told me not to worry. The company will take care of everything, and they will make arrangements for me to repay later. I was relieved. At least now we can leave the hospital in peace.

When I got back to office, I met with Human Resources asking about the payment scheme, they said they will get back to me. And what happened? They promptly wrote it off and considered this a gift for the birth of my boy. I am at a lost for words. I am eternally grateful. This company that I left due to uncomfortable circumstances over 14 years ago, I consider them my family. My Boss I meet him at least once a month and wonder of wonders is also in Kota Bharu.

I consider him my mentor. He's been with me throughout my life from the moment I joined the company, my wedding, births of my children and up till now.